EXCLUSIVE OLYMPIC COVERAGE by Sasha Louise

Greetings from sunny Turin. This week, I'm representing the US in several Crazed Siamese Cat Olympic Sports. Here is a sampling:

THE HAIRBALL THROW-- Cough up hairball and project as far as possible, preferably into owner's shoe.

THE BATHMAT SLALOM -- Run as fast as possible, hitting bathmat. Surf on bathmat until you hit the side of the tub, and then run off. The human hates to come home to see her mat wadded up and mangled.

THE MOUSE FETCH -- This one speaks for itself. Human throws mouse, I fetch it. Extra points for running over human during retrieval.

BUG WRESTLING -- Pounce on creepy crawly as quickly as possible. Then eat it. Bigger bug = more points.

THE CURTAIN CLIMB -- Scale extremely expensive chiffon curtains until you can hang off the curtain rod by your toes. Which brings me to

THE PARALLEL BARS -- Swing from curtain rods. Dismount need not be graceful, as long as it scares the hell out of someone.

THE DOWNHILL RACE -- Scare the living hell out of Mom's boyfriend, then chase him down the stairs and out the door.