Saturday, December 30, 2006

Sasha Louise Makes Special Appearance in "Apocolypto"

I was at home last year when my agent called me to make an appearance in Mel Gibson's "Apocolypto." Of course I said yes. It was tons of fun--I got to run pel mel through the jungle, then I attacked and ripped someone's face off in a very violent manner. It wasn't that different than when I tried to kill the Kaiser, so I was well-rehearsed.

Poor Mom is still living in the shadow of my celebrity. No one calls for her anymore--everyone wants to talk to me.

Grandma and Grandpa visited over Thanksgiving, and they bitched mom out for having sushi and not bringing me any. Grandpa is normally very cheap, but he thinks I deserve a $4.00 slice of salmon. He's right of course. Now that I'm famous, I should be eating only the best.


Monday, September 04, 2006

Week of drama

Every Wednesday night at 9:00, Mom, Fatty Catty and I watch Laguna Beach. We like to see the awesome catfights. And then we usually get into one ourselves. This week has been punctuated by 1. Me and Fatty fighting like a couple of rabid beasts 2. Mom and the Kaiser fighting 3. Me and Fatty fighting again.

Day 1: Mom and the Kaiser come home from an errand to find piles of fur, both black and orange, all over the floor. We seriously tied up. I won, of course.

Day 2: Mom comes home and finds her latest shoe order. She is so hung up on getting her stilettos unpacked, that she puts a package of Pizza Hut hot wings in the microwave to reheat. She forgets that there is foil in the box, and she catches the microwave on fire. This is all within five minutes of her getting home. So she hastily pulls out the flaming box and tosses it out in the yard.

Day 3: The Kaiser rolls up a newspaper and whacks Mom with it because she has obsessive compulsive disorder.

Day 4: Mom takes her shoe off and whacks the Kaiser with it repeatedly because he’s nagging her, and doesn’t recognize her supreme princess authority.

Day 5: More catfights. Kaiser says the three of us are shortening his life span.

Day 6: I have one of my howling Meezer freakouts.

Day 7: Mom is scared to death when she’s on the litter box, and hears something stirring in the shower. Is it Psycho???? No, it’s just Fatty sleeping in the tub

Monday, July 31, 2006

Fatty Catty--XXX rated

People say how unladylike I am, and yeah, I do indulge in the occasional butt lick. But at least I don't show my naughty bits like this. Fatty Catty is such a tart!

Monday, July 24, 2006


Mom awoke this morning to this scene.

While Mom, the Kaiser and I were happily snoozing, McTabby, unsatiated by chicken McNuggets, went dumpster diving for leftover Popeye's chicken. Note the damning evidence--mangled chicken box, half-eaten chicken breast strewn about. Thank god Mum has her new cellphone camera. Usually the Kaiser doesn't believe it when Mum tells him about his delinquent cat's criminal undertakings. And then, after she raids the garbage, she proceeds to barf all over the rug.

I had a concrete alibi, since I was in the spare room all night in time out. I had attacked McTabby earlier in the evening. Ha Kaiser! Guess your sweet, innocent little tabby isn't so sweet after all.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Humans + PMS = Drama

Mom has been feeling VERY under the weather lately because of something called PMS and cramps. She's grouchy anyway, but at certain times of the month, she has cajun temper episodes.

This evening, Mom came home and released me from my room, where the Kaiser had locked me up all day. I then attacked Fatty. The Kaiser chased me under the bed, and told Mom he hated me. At which point Mom burst into tears.

The Kaiser insists that Fatty is barfing all the time because she's about to die, and it's our fault. Mom said it's probably a combination of age, cheap ass generic cat food, and stress. She told him that if indeed Fatty is about to croak, perhaps it would be a good idea to take her to the cat hospital. But no, he says he has to wait until he gets paid. Mom offered to foot the bill, but no.

Now there is definitely no love between me and Fatty Catty. But I really don't want the old cow to die.

I admit I may be contributing to the situation, but I'm not the only factor :P Fatty has a notoriously bad diet of chicken nuggets, ice cream, fries and whatever the hell else. Plus she's older than dirt.

So for now, Mom has put us on a two hour rotation. One of us stays in the bedroom while the other roams about. I think she should lock the Kaiser in a closet for a couple hours and see how he likes that.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Kaiser wrecks helicopter; Fatty barfs; Mom Chases off Mormons

Today has been an exciting week. The Kaiser decided to launch his model helicopter in the basement. When it went out of control (duh) the blades took out Fatty's food dish, and the cheap generic pellets that he buys here went everywhere.

In other news, Fatty barfed in mom's office chair. I decided to smack her one on her very ample hind quarters for that.

Mom chased away some Mormons a second ago. She already told them we're Episcopalean and we're quite happy, but they're hellbent on conversion I guess.

That's about all that's going on right now. I haven't been blogging much because my human typist slave got a new job and is really "busy." :P

Monday, June 05, 2006

Because feral is more fun

Yesterday I went totally feral on both Mom and Fatty. Mom was trying to do laundry, and I attacked one of her sweatshirts. We played tug-of-war with it for a while, with me howling and hissing when she got it away from me. I was just trying to have fun.

Then I chased Fatty Catty all the way through the house and down the stairs, prompting the skinny dork guy to threaten me. I forsee a meeting between Mom's cast iron skillet and his grill. Well, not really. She's actually going to put me back on Prozac.

I'm gearing up for the big 6/6/06 party tomorrow, so I'm doing my best Devil Cat impersonation. Rowrrrrrr hissss phhhttt!