Monday, July 31, 2006

Fatty Catty--XXX rated


People say how unladylike I am, and yeah, I do indulge in the occasional butt lick. But at least I don't show my naughty bits like this. Fatty Catty is such a tart!

Monday, July 24, 2006

FATTY CATTY--EXPOSED!


Mom awoke this morning to this scene.

While Mom, the Kaiser and I were happily snoozing, McTabby, unsatiated by chicken McNuggets, went dumpster diving for leftover Popeye's chicken. Note the damning evidence--mangled chicken box, half-eaten chicken breast strewn about. Thank god Mum has her new cellphone camera. Usually the Kaiser doesn't believe it when Mum tells him about his delinquent cat's criminal undertakings. And then, after she raids the garbage, she proceeds to barf all over the rug.

I had a concrete alibi, since I was in the spare room all night in time out. I had attacked McTabby earlier in the evening. Ha Kaiser! Guess your sweet, innocent little tabby isn't so sweet after all.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Humans + PMS = Drama

Mom has been feeling VERY under the weather lately because of something called PMS and cramps. She's grouchy anyway, but at certain times of the month, she has cajun temper episodes.

This evening, Mom came home and released me from my room, where the Kaiser had locked me up all day. I then attacked Fatty. The Kaiser chased me under the bed, and told Mom he hated me. At which point Mom burst into tears.

The Kaiser insists that Fatty is barfing all the time because she's about to die, and it's our fault. Mom said it's probably a combination of age, cheap ass generic cat food, and stress. She told him that if indeed Fatty is about to croak, perhaps it would be a good idea to take her to the cat hospital. But no, he says he has to wait until he gets paid. Mom offered to foot the bill, but no.

Now there is definitely no love between me and Fatty Catty. But I really don't want the old cow to die.

I admit I may be contributing to the situation, but I'm not the only factor :P Fatty has a notoriously bad diet of chicken nuggets, ice cream, fries and whatever the hell else. Plus she's older than dirt.

So for now, Mom has put us on a two hour rotation. One of us stays in the bedroom while the other roams about. I think she should lock the Kaiser in a closet for a couple hours and see how he likes that.