A Tale of Two Cats and a Pork Chop

Exhibit A: Fatty Catty (and a piece of the Kaiser's bum). As I mentioned before, Fatty gets to eat ice cream, chicken nuggets, cheeseburgers and other non-kosher foodstuffs from McDonalds. She's spent the last ten years with a bachelor, so this isn't entirely unexpected. However, she's such a little beggar. NO table manners whatsoever.

So anyway, the other day Mom and I were sitting down to watch some TV. Mom had reheated a nice juicy pork chop, and was about to chow down on it. She sat it on the coffee table for a bit. Fatty got wind of it. As Mom was watching TV, McTabby inched her fat but off the couch, and proceeded to stalk the pork chop. Then she leaned up on the coffee table with her front paws, and began sniffing and slowly making her way towards her juicy prey. Unbeknownst to her, as her upper half was on the coffee table, I was slowly making my way underneath the table, towards her very large beer gut. Nobody eats my Momma's pork chop!

Just as she's reaching for the pork chop, I attack, dashing at her from below the table, yowling and smacking her gut with my paw (no claws though). It scares the hell out of her and she jumps about five feet in the air. Then she comes down and we get into a fight.

This is pretty much what every day here is like now. Mom is stressed out and says she's going to put all three of us on Prozac by sneaking it into the Kaiser's meat loaf. Interestingly, me and Fatty get along ok (not great, but ok) when the Kaiser isn't around. Mom thinks his macho posturing is adding to the general cat drama.