Swan Lake: The Cat Version

Last night Human Servant and her boyfriend ditched me and Fatty at home and went to the ballet. I knew this had something to do with dance, but I didn't know what it was all about. So I hopped on Human Servant's laptop and did some research. Well, gather round kittens. What you are about to hear is quite shocking.

Apparently, some humans put on feathers and DRESS UP LIKE BIRDS, then dance around on a big stage. Now I have pondered why humans would want to do this, and I have come to the following conclusion: They are doing it purely for the entertainment of cats, and they want us to pounce upon them and eat them.

Therefore, I have devised an ingenious plot. The next time Swan Lake plays Wichita, I will have Mom's boyfriend, J, who is a pilot, fly me downtown on a helicopter. I will lower myself onto the roof ala Mission Impossible. Pair Pair, my accomplice, will create a diversion by pulling the fire alarm. I will then infiltrate the concert hall, and pounce on all the feathery swans. After I attack and eat their feathered tutus, I will escape back to the roof with Pair Pair, and J will fly us back to Siamese HQ.

A Practical Use for Cat Poop

My human servant will be happy to know that somewhere in the world, cat poop is useful:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/02/17/tiger.poo.reut/index.html

EXCLUSIVE OLYMPIC COVERAGE by Sasha Louise

Greetings from sunny Turin. This week, I'm representing the US in several Crazed Siamese Cat Olympic Sports. Here is a sampling:

THE HAIRBALL THROW-- Cough up hairball and project as far as possible, preferably into owner's shoe.

THE BATHMAT SLALOM -- Run as fast as possible, hitting bathmat. Surf on bathmat until you hit the side of the tub, and then run off. The human hates to come home to see her mat wadded up and mangled.

THE MOUSE FETCH -- This one speaks for itself. Human throws mouse, I fetch it. Extra points for running over human during retrieval.

BUG WRESTLING -- Pounce on creepy crawly as quickly as possible. Then eat it. Bigger bug = more points.

THE CURTAIN CLIMB -- Scale extremely expensive chiffon curtains until you can hang off the curtain rod by your toes. Which brings me to

THE PARALLEL BARS -- Swing from curtain rods. Dismount need not be graceful, as long as it scares the hell out of someone.

THE DOWNHILL RACE -- Scare the living hell out of Mom's boyfriend, then chase him down the stairs and out the door.